bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish

Written December 19, 2020 @ 5:41 pm.

Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?

All the missing pieces. All the pieces that were lost, I'm ready to find them. At times I felt like I needed to be found. But honestly, I needed to be lost. I needed to have no clear sense of direction; I needed to stumble and fall flat on my face. I needed to be lost so then I could be Found. You lose something and find something even better. My mom loves Goodwill; it's a guilty pleasure. Every time she goes in, she has yet to learn what she's really looking for, but she always finds something good. And that's what I have found. I have found everything good. Everything that is great. But I had to get lost. I didn't just get lost, but I lost myself. I lost my mind. I lost my structure. I lost my life, but I Found my way...

back to You.

I would stare at myself in the mirror and be introduced to a stranger every day. I didn't know who I was. I didn't even question who was looking back at me until one day. I saw something. I saw someone who looked just like me. I saw beauty. I saw completeness. I saw Love for the first time with my very own eyes. I saw Life. I heard a sound. Think about that for a moment: you look into your eyes and hear a sound. A sound of bliss, release, and perfection. I finally met who I really am; I finally met the Truest part of me that was constantly being buried by a never-ending cycle of turmoil that kept knocking at my front door. So, I stood in the mirror in awe. I would try to walk away or pull myself out of it but then swing back around, looking deeper and deeper into my soul.

I saw God. 

Through my very own eyes.

I remember in the early summer of 2019, 

Ms. Tanya asked me, "Have you seen God?" 

I replied, "I think so." 

I didn't know for sure. I was still determining what I had seen.

I know exactly who I saw. I saw myself, but I saw Him in me. He was looking at me through my very own eyes. There was such a glow and such a glimmer. I couldn't take my eyes off my own reflection. I've seen myself in the mirror plenty of times. Just different from this. Not in this way. I was looking at a pre-refined version of myself. I was looking at the Truth of my story. That He was with me all along. I didn't know who I was, but I began to see who He is. I am the apple of His eye. And anyone who tries to harm or hurt me is like hurting Him. I am His pupil. I am His dwelling place. God is counting on me. And I am counting on Him. When I looked into the mirror that day, I finally met myself. I had a stare down with the Truth.

I found my way to Him. 

I searched for God like I was looking for Gold, and guess what? I found something even better, in fact I found Someone much greater and His Name is Jesus Christ. He spoke to me that day by the power of the Holy Spirit and said unto me, "This is only the beginning..."

Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish? I want all the missing pieces. I want however many pieces God has yet to give me. I want to lose count. God has so much more to give, and I want whatever He has willed for my life in order to Glorify Him. And I had to lose myself entirely just to be Found. It happened at the right moment and the right time. I was lost, only to be found. And to be Found broken means you'll be made whole again. I'll take every piece of bubble gum in the dish. And when the dish is empty and has run out, I know the true and Living God will restore it and fill it as if no pieces were ever even missing.

How many pieces do you wish? I want all the missing pieces. Don't look at what's here. Look at what is not here, and there is where you will find your treasure. It's not about what is seen but what is unseen. This is called faith, right? And when you truly begin to look deeper into what is unseen, there you will find what you have been so desperately searching for. You will find that missing piece. You will find the fullness of Joy in the presence of Jesus. You will find peace. God will find you. You will be found; you just have to get lost. Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish.

How many pieces do you wish?